I think there's a massive conspiracy afoot, designed to stop me doing any work this week.
First of all, there's the weather. As most of you know, I'm based in the UK. I can't remember the last time we had snow that came down so thickly, remained on the ground (up here in the north of England, the rain usually washes the snow away almost immediately) and showed no sign of leaving any time soon. In fact, it just keeps getting topped up by a fresh layer every day.
This means that it's freezing cold. If I don't have my heating on, I'm too cold to work. My hands are like blocks of ice and the bulky layers of clothing restrict my movement. If I do have my heating on, the warmth makes me nod off.
Then there are my technology problems. Yesterday I fully intended to join three friends who are also coaches for our weekly mastermind session which we hold via Skype. The only computer that I could get to connect to the Internet was my little netbook, which doesn't have Skype on it. Now I could have gone to the Skype website and downloaded the package onto my netbook, except that the netbook was running so slow, that if I ever got onto the Skype site to download it, it'd be New Year before the download was finished.
And then there's my brain. Completely missing in action. You know how, in Star Wars, they put shields up to protect their spaceships from enemy fire? Well, I think someone has put the shields up around my brain. Nothing can get in there. Information just bounces off. It's impenetrable.
So I've decided not to fight it any longer. I'm going to chill out. I've got books to read. Tristan and Isolde is the film on 4 this afternoon and I've got a pile of chocolate that it is my absolute duty to eat. I'm going to put the heating on and if I nod off, I nod off. So be it.
Therefore, I'll bid you goodbye for now. I may post over the holiday period if I manage to wrest back control of my brain. Or I may not.
May I wish you a wonderful, peaceful holiday period and a very happy New Year? And, just so you don't get into trouble over the Christmas break, I'll leave you with the new health and safety regulations re Christmas, as supplied to me by my friend, Marion Ryan:
The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:
Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.
Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.
Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.
Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.
We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.
Hello, my name is Ann Harrison. I’m passionate about helping people like you to get the happiest, healthiest, most vital, productive, energetic, prosperous and fulfilling retirement you could possibly have, whilst, at the same time, helping you to balance having the kind of retirement you want and deserve to have, with planning to meet your future needs.
Recent Comments