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  • Hello and welcome to Couples Talking Retirement...

    I'm Ann Harrison, founder of Contemporary Retirement Coaching and creator of the Retirement Detox Program.  I hope you find the articles and resources here to be informative and inspirational and look forward to reading your comments and thoughts.  More about me.

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Couples aren't talking to each other about retirement

Couplesmini It's official...  Couples just aren't talking to each other about their wants, needs, hopes, fears and dreams for the second half of their lives.

A recent survey of 502 married couples approaching retirement uncovered the fact that wives and husbands often had different understandings of their plans and preparations for life after the office, shop, or factory:

61% disagreed on which income source (workplace savings, pensions, Social Security, etc.) would be their primary source of funds in retirement.

58% disagreed about whom their spouse would turn to for financial guidance in the event of the other spouse's death.

41% disagreed about whether at least one partner would work in retirement.

39% differed on the amount of their life-insurance coverage.

Note: Spouses were questioned individually. On average, surveyed couples had been married 24 years and were nine years away from their expected retirement. Husbands were 54 years old, on average; wives were 53.

Source: Fidelity Investments

The failure to develop a clear understanding of your own retirement expectations, the expectations of your spouse or partner, and how to blend the two together can be a recipe for retirement disaster...

Continue reading "Couples aren't talking to each other about retirement" »

February 18, 2009

Great Quotes - On having dreams

Marcia Weider Last year I spoke on board a cruise ship.  The average age of the passengers was well over 65.  I would split the people I met into two categories, those with and without dreams.  The ones who had dreams and hopes for their golden years or for their children and grandchildren were filled with life and energy.  Those who thought they were too old to have dreams were a little like the walking dead.  The difference was astounding. 

Marcia Weider

February 09, 2009

Tea for two

Two cook for two You can't have missed the fact that Valentine's day is just around the corner.

Now I know it's a bit corny and it certainly is over-commercialised but, it's still a special time for couples.  Whether you're just starting out (again) or a comfortable couple, there's still an opportunity to make things special.

Are you going out for dinner?  You'd better reserve a table today if you haven't already!

You might prefer to cook a meal in - it will certainly save you money and can be much more fun.  The money you save on expensive restaurant bills you can spend on some flowers and, at home, you can create that special atmosphere - no pressure, no stress, just a comfortable and romantic evening together.

To help you out there's a fresh idea from the Two Cook For Two team at http://www.TwoCookForTwo.comAnd, even better, it's completely FREE at the moment...

This is a new book full of easy recipes designed to be cooked and eaten by a couple.  I particularly liked the sound of the coriander and lime salmon - a quick, easy and healthy recipe that's got to be good for you. I can't say the same for the chocolate mousse recipe! I'm looking forward to trying them both.

There's a rumour that they're bringing out some extra recipes for a Valentine's day updates so keep watching!!

The most important thing about Valentines weekend is to chill and take it in your stride. Too many couples suffer when there's such pressure to be that perfect romantic. Remember - if they want to be with you the other 51 weekends of the year, they'll still enjoy your company on Valentine's day. Just add in a bunch of flowers and maybe a candle or two over dinner to make it special.

And as for dinner - anything that get's us both in the kitchen cooking together without fighting over the chopping boards has got to be worth a try.

January 29, 2009

Adult children moving back home?

Sandwich Are you feeling like a fully-paid-up member of the sandwich generation?  Taking care of parents/other older relatives and still providing financial and emotional first aid to your offspring? 

If the economic downturn has sent your chicks heading back to the nest, here's a website that could help you ensure that your boomerang offspring don't derail your plans for the future or jeopardize your retirement fund...  www.BoomerangKidsHelp.com

January 20, 2009

The ABCs of Successful Relationships by Michelle Vasquez

Michellevasquez_small Appreciation and acceptance. Many people need appreciation more than they need love. Accepting your partner and letting go of the need to fix him/her is a sign of maturity and will help you live a more peaceful life.

Benevolence. See your partner with loving eyes. Remember, daily, why you chose to be together.

Commitment. Without commitment, you don't have a relationship. Commitment is the glue that holds the relationship together. When you're committed, you're saying, "I'll do whatever it takes to make my relationship work."

Drop defenses. When you defend yourself, you are looking at your partner as if he or she were your enemy. Seek first to understand instead of raising your shields.

Encouragement. Invest in your relationship by being generous with your words of encouragement.

Forgiveness. We all make mistakes. Choose to be the first to forgive and you'll find that you're forgiven quickly when you mess up.

Gratitude. Choose to find reasons to be grateful for your relationship. Start a gratitude journal and list three things you're grateful for every day. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the results.

Honesty. Brutal honesty and "constructive criticism" have no place in a successful relationship. Tactfully expressing your thoughts and feelings creates a safe place for your relationship to grow. This is the kind of honesty that nourishes relationships.

Interdependence. This is a balance between the extremes of codependency and extreme independence. People in successful relationships know they can depend on each other while still having the freedom to learn and grow in their own interests. They are secure with themselves and in their relationship.

Joy. Express your excitement to each other when you have successes. Find reasons to be joyful. Watch silly comedies if you can't find a reason to laugh. Laughter is a crucial element in successful relationships.

Kindness. Practice random acts of kindness in your relationship. Think "simple and small." It will be noticed and appreciated.

Loyalty. Be respectful of your partner's privacy. If you speak about your partner to others, make sure you say kind things about her or him. Remember that if you gain sympathy from friends and family by telling them how bad your partner is, they may also resent your partner (and you) when you resolve the conflict. Talk to a professional instead – whether it be a relationship coach, a marriage counselor, a pastor or a priest.

Maturity. Maturity means you can choose whether to engage in an argument. You can step back and assess a situation without jumping to conclusions. You're ready to listen to your partner. You avoid mind-reading, and instead, you seek to understand.

Negotiate differences. When you have the inevitable conflicts, you look for solutions and stay away from blame. Blame makes you the victim and keeps you from taking responsibility. It stunts your personal growth.

Open to new ideas. You choose to live an aware life on a path of growth. You realize that your relationship needs nurturing to grow.

Pay attention. You'll know your partner's likes and dislikes if you simply pay attention. Be aware of your partner's successes and failures. Share in the joy and be attentive to their pain.

Quiet time together. Quality time together doesn't always mean "talk time." Watch a movie, read a book, or simply be in the same room together. These are simple ways to spend quiet time together.

Respect. The old adage "give respect to get respect" is really important in your relationship. If you belittle and criticize your partner, and then complain that she or he doesn't respect you, you're expecting your partner to change first. That rarely works. What else can you do?

Strong support system. You need support to keep your relationship viable. If it takes a whole village to raise a child, it takes a whole village to help a relationship thrive. Surround yourself with people who want your relationship to succeed.

Trust. Decide to give your partner your trust. In return, be trustworthy.

Unselfish attitude. When relationships go sour, somebody got selfish. Examine your behavior. Do you always want things your way? Do you think of yourself first?

Volunteer. Unless your relationship began with a shotgun (shotgun wedding), you volunteered to be here. Nobody forced you to be in this relationship. When you volunteer to do something, you commit to being there and doing what it takes to get the job done.

Warmth. Too many times when people argue, they punish each other with cold, silent withdrawal. Keep in mind that you can take time apart to think over your differences without resorting to a week of silent treatment. Create a new strategy for conflict. Agree to take a break to cool off and work on finding a solution.

Xenial attitude. The word "xenial" relates to being kind to strangers. If you treat your partner the way you would treat a stranger, with politeness and courtesy, you will avoid the trap of that old Mills Brothers' song, "You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn't hurt at all."

Yield. This doesn't mean you just have to "just take it" when you're in a conflict. The ability to yield demands a high level of maturity and self-confidence. You can stop a fight by simply yielding. It doesn't mean you think you're wrong; it can mean you would rather "win" the relationship than win the argument.

Zeal and zest. Be passionate about your relationship. Celebrate your successes together. Take time to remember why you fell in love with each other.

Copyright © 2009 by Michelle Vasquez. All rights reserved in all media.

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC, is an RCI Relationship Coach who helps singles and couples attract the life they want and create the relationships that bring them joy. She specializes in working with couples who are experiencing relationship difficulties as well as with singles who want to find the love of their life. www.MichelleVasquez.com. 714.717.5744

October 23, 2008

10 secrets of the effortlessly thin

No dieting button Thin people - whether they are naturally thin or have lost weight and managed to keep it off - have several strategies in common which help them to stay thin without, apparently, having to work at it.  Here are 10 of those strategies...

September 09, 2008

10 most important questions you and your partner should ask each other about retirement and probably haven’t…

Happycouple From the Wall Street Journal:

1.  Do we really want to retire? And if so, when?
2.  What is our vision of retirement ?
3.  Do we share the same vision?
4.  Where do we want to retire?
5.  What assets do we have for retirement?
6.  Are they invested in the most beneficial ways to achieve our goals?
7.  How much money will we need to support our lifestyle in retirement?
8.  Do we have an estate plan – and where is it?
9.  What will our legacy be?
10.  How will each of us approach, and manage getting older?

August 12, 2008

Great Quotes - On wasting time

Clock Time is more limited and precious than any other resource you possess, and yet it's the one you pay the least attention to and squander the most freely.

Steven Scott

August 05, 2008

Money CAN buy you happiness (if you know the right way to spend it)

Pound_coins Although we've always been told that money can't buy you happiness, an increasing number of studies show that, if you know the right way to spend it, money may be able to buy you happiness after all... 

However, as you'll see in this article from Superliving.com, this doesn't involve using money to buy more 'stuff' but, instead, using it to 'facilitate those parts of life most likely to promote happiness' (such as paying someone else to do the jobs that cause conflict between you and your partner, or paying off or reducing debts to help you sleep easier at night).

July 29, 2008

40 tips for a better life

Philip_humbert Thanks to Philip Humbert and Paul Vogel for the following list...  (If you're not a religious person, replace the word 'God' with 'The Universe'):

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Go to bed earlier and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following:
    'Today, my primary purpose is to __________.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did last year.

7. Make time to practice meditation, and prayer.  They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured or packaged in factories.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new energy flow into your life.

14. Don't waste your energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You won't win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Remember, God heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. Or email them to death!

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following:
     I am thankful for __________.
     Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. You only have one ride through life so make the most of every moment, every single day.

40. Please share this with those you care about.

May your troubles be less,
May your blessings be more,
May nothing but happiness come through your door!


Dr Humbert is a Success Strategist, author and popular speaker. Imagine what's possible! To inquire about having him speak to your group or organization, or to schedule an initial consultation, contact him at: Coach@philiphumbert.com

July 17, 2008

What people ACTUALLY do in retirement (as opposed to what they say they INTEND to do)

Bungee_jumping On my travels around the World Wide Web, I came across some research carried out by engage Mutual Assurance in which 2,200 British people were asked about their expectations and experiences of retirement. The results show stark contrasts between people's plans for their retirement and the actual realities of retirement.  You can read the full article here but the thing that particularly caught my eye was the table which compares the retirement aspirations of workers with the actual experiences of retired workers... food for thought?